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Monday, March 24, 2008

Adjusting

As with any change there is a period of adjustment. It has been such a monumental change for Sarah to go from having her teenage independence of going to school and hanging out with her friends to the close confines of locked doors and being watched every hour of the day. Although the biggest change of all has been that she no longer has the option or ability to use any drugs whatsoever.

This time of adjustment goes for the family at home as well. I have taken the last 5 weeks in stride, adjusting along with my husband and older daughter. I may not be able to see her everyday, but I talk to her each night on the phone, and meet with her and her counselor and psychiatrist once a week or sometimes once every two weeks. And now that she has been there over 30 days and proven herself to be more reliable she has been given passes for several hours at a time. As a Mom, I have worried, worried, worried some more and then obsessed over how my daughter is doing. Most days I get up, get going, and remain positive, other days don;t go as smoothly.

It has been more than two weeks since my last post. My heart is heavy and tears flow often. The smallest of things, remind me of this long, twisted road we are traveling. Every evening when I talk to Sarah, I remind her of how very proud I am. She shows an endless amount of patience, understanding and courage in facing her problems and attacking new goals with fervor. I have no doubt that my daughter will continue to grow and learn. She has all the desire ever needed to make her dreams come true. Times may be trying but it only serves to show how adversity can strengthen our resolve.

Sarah is missing her family, friends and home, adjusting to medications that make her feel tired and learning each day how her lack of impulse control has put her life at risk. These medications for Bipolar disorder, that help to balance her symptoms of mania, give her a feeling of being "down". Her mind and body are used to all that boundless energy. Side effects such as increased appetite and weight gain are among the few more unpleasant experiences Sarah has expressed. In the last 5 weeks she has gained 10 pounds. As you can imagine for any teenage girl, gaining weight in this day and age of bone thin models on TV and in magazines, it's difficult to live up to the image. Yet again, she amazes me how she looks at the positive and tells me that she will choose healthier foods and try to exercise more.

When facing the choice of placing your own child in a residential treatment center, many concerns abound, not the least of which are who are these doctors and nurses who will be caring for my daughter day and night. After meeting with several of them and feeling more confident, I then can focus my energies in other places, like my husband and my older daughter who have a felt a bit neglected.

With one daughter at home and the other living in rehab, jealously rears it's ugly head at times. Sarah of course feels jealous of her sister being able to go to school, see her friends and have the freedom to live her life as an average teenager would. On the other hand my older daughter sometimes feels jealous when she sees the extra attention her sister receives. In her eyes there is more talk around the home of concerns for Sarah than for herself. I take the time each day to remind her how much I love her and that I am here for her, as always.

In addition to the older daughter feeling the stress of these times, so is my marriage. It is natural for any marriage to have it's ups and downs. Even more so to feel the weight of worry for our youngest who is struggling. While Sarah learns coping skills and attends treatment meetings and counseling sessions, my husband and I are left to our own devices here at home. There are days when I feel so overwhelmed with anxiety that I do, indeed, neglect others in my life who need me.

As I write this I am reminded once again how everything seems to come back to education. Not only do we need to learn about drugs, addiction and the effects on the body and lifestyle of our loved one who is addicted, but we must also learn how to care for ourselves. The facility that we chose not only tends to the needs of their residents but to the whole family. They give us the opportunity to come and have a family session with our daughter and her therapist and to meet with the entire treatment team every two weeks, so that we can be kept up to date on Sarah's most recent accomplishments as well as ongoing difficulties.

It is at times like these that we learn from the counselors and doctors what we as a family can do not only to help Sarah but to strengthen the family as a unit in times of crisis. On this last family therapy meeting the counselor helped my husband and I to see that our parenting styles being so different will have adverse effects on Sarah's resolve to stay clean when she comes home. We are learning that we can embrace our differences so that our children can see it is not only OK to argue but healthy for the children to see us engage in constructive criticism and then come to an agreement that considers everyone, and that everyone can accept.

We are growing as a family. The term growing pains comes to mind. It is a struggle. It is no where near easy, but we are managing the best we can. We are taking the time to learn to adjust here at home, just as Sarah is adjusting and learning there. We all know this is only the beginning of a long road to not only helping her to keep her safe and healthy but to build stronger and healthier relationships in our family.

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